Best of Lorelei Signal 2008

I'm pleased to say my comical flash piece "Nemesis' Pep Talk" is within its pages. The print edition is now available. Kindle link here.

Free Writer's Nook Entertainment

Does your writer's nook lack excitement? Do you enjoy testing the limits of your patience and in need of a distraction from the tome you're editing? If so, I'm offering two tenacious, glass window scaling, baffle baffling, squirrels. They're perfect for long trips in a small car too. Will ship anywhere. Act now and receive a lazy sixteen-year-old orange tabby in half--er--half off!

My Novel Idea

I'm the only writer I know who dreads writing a novel, likens it to a huuugge homework assignment or suspicious mole I'll remove from my psyche when I get around to it. I've mused on this topic before. In short: I have this solid novel idea but what will it take to motivate me to actually write it?

As you can see the background on my blog has changed again.* I selected this picture (taken when, no lying, I was hanging with the coolest of friends on a secluded island off the coast of Maine) because while there--*sigh* oh great, epiphany time--I was struck by a potential motivating force: a MFA. I mean, since I perceive tackling a novel as a huuuge homework assignment anyway . . .

See, The University of Southern Maine has a writing degree program called Stone Coast; and a degree candidate can submit a twenty page excerpt from their novel. One, if accepted, there's some validation that my idea has merit and/or I might be a potentially sound novelist. Two, if accepted, I'd have to spit-shine finish the thing in order to graduate, I think, so even if it's never published, I'd still earn my degree and be mentored. My hubby and sister hold master's degrees and I want one too. Plus, I'd set a good example for my girls. Ultimately, this is would be more of a self-edification thing.

Now all I gotta do is draft my novel, pump up the excerpt, rob a bank, launder the money . . . this may take a few years to execute . . . thank goodness flash and short stories are so comforting.

Take it from me, never, ever, put yourself alone in a secluded pristine place where you can become all Thoreau-y. Much exhausting marching and drumming is sure to follow.

*My hubby, the clever computer geek, finally succumbed to my nagging and was nice enough to voodoo it for me.

Patriots Celebrate!

Happy July 4th. Have a fun and safe weekend.

Just Lying Around

Well, where and the hell have I been? Why, on a secluded island off the coast of Maine, kicking back with the coolest of friends, of course.

But I could be lying. Tsk, tsk, tsk, how could I on my 100th post? Why because the always dark yet charming L.R. Bonehill tagged me!

"Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don't tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot more from the stuff they just make up. If you're tagged by this Meme lie to me, then tag seven other folks (one of each deadly sin) and hope they can lie.

Pride: What is your biggest contribution to the world?

Cockroaches. I might not live forever, but no one, I mean no one, is messing with my legacy, baby. So bring on the apocalypse . . .

Envy: What do your co-workers wish they had which is yours?

My invisible jet and my truth-inducing lasso that I seem to have misplaced.

Gluttony: What did you eat last night?

George Clooney

Lust: What really lights your fire?

The universal truth that the whole world revolves around me.

Anger: What was the last thing that really pissed you off?

The realization George Clooney is no sixty minute man.

Greed: Name something you keep from others?

My hypnotize a lobstah so ya can stand'em on their noses secret. Ta Da!

Sloth: What's the laziest thing you've ever done?

Steal Aaron Polson's idea to tag the Seven Dwarfs for this Meme.

Rousing Remedy

Feeling low? Need an inspirational boost? Here's a two minute montage that does the trick. Yes! I will survive my living room renovation! I can endure the rain! Ben and Jerry's Dublin Mudslide is not my master!

The Jimmy and Patrick Stewart clips are my favorites.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Singing In The Rain

After close to three weeks of rain, with no sun forecast in the coming days, Maine is slowly turning into Oregon. This wouldn't be such a bad fate, I suppose, except us Mainers get rather surly when wet. I don't know what's worse, the rain, or people incessantly bitching about the rain. Writing seems more of a chore, so I'm focusing on some flash pieces. What did writers do before flash? So back to the grind. *soggy sigh* I'm truly hoping when I run errands later today some magical musical number will break out to wash all our troubles away. Not literally. Well, you know what I mean. *Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I'm bitching in the rain . . . *

Depp in Tim Burton's Land

I so enjoy Tim Burton flicks. He's currently working on Alice in Wonderland. Depp looks amazing as the Mad Hatter, no? Of course, I'm forty-two not five-years-old. I think this getup is an improvement over Willy Wonka, who creeped even the hell out of me. Anyhoo, whether you love Burton or hate him, his characters are always memorable.

Thoughts?

OMG! I'm Like Soooo Over The Hills

I guess there is this horrific teen reality show called The Hills. My girls have no interest in it. They don't do vapid. Seems there's this piece of fluff named Lauren Conrad and she's penned a book--oh right--called L.A. Candy. Dear Lord give me strength.

From the review, I loved this: To put this into perspective, Conrad now faces the daunting task of leveraging her generic persona into a long-lasting career; after all, how do you continue to captivate the public's attention if you're known for being like everybody else and staring blankly at your costars?

Oh cry me a river.

The Daily Tourniquet

I wrote an itty-bitty dark humor horror story,"The Elevated Spider", that's posted at The Daily Tourniquet. You'll need to scroll down.